How can I get rid of my mental problems?

What you are going through is really really hard. You said not to advise you to go to a doctor, but really, your problems need real professional help, help that no one on yahoo should allow himself to offer. You have several issues you need help with one of which is contemplating suicide. Whenever you start thinking of killing yourself, call the national suicide hotline. Please go get professional help, that's what you need. I am afraid of giving you any sort of advice here.